You Gotta Nourish to Flourish

When people talk about how important self-care is, LISTEN!

I know it’s hard, trust me! I’ve devoted the last eight years of my life to being a mom and wife and taking care of everyone (and everything) else. I’m not saying that I didn’t want to, but just that I consistently put myself on the back burner and put everyone else’s needs and wants before mine. Comes with the territory of being a parent and trying to be the best partner I could be. I’m already a very selfless person by nature, so that comes naturally. Too naturally, I guess. Did I get a prize for sacrificing myself? No. It contributed to my divorce. But let’s be honest here…if we aren’t taking care of ourselves, who will? Especially as moms, who is noticing that we are tired, hungry, sleep deprived and totally spent? People assume we can handle it all, but can we? I know I certainly can’t! We all have our breaking point. We have to stop going through the motions, know our limits, and do something about it because I don’t have anyone over here that’s gonna worry about my well-being. It’s just me, myself and I and I’m not about to go back to the place I was in before.

I’m learning now, that by taking care of myself, I’m not saying “me first,” but I’m actually saying “me too.” With all the time, effort and energy that I put into others, I definitely deserve some of my own time to recharge, regroup and rediscover the things that make me happy. What makes me uniquely ME!

It’s all about the balance and there is a line between self-care and selfishness. Considering my situation and this new phase of my life as a single mom, it’s actually given me time to myself that I begged for for so long and was so rarely able to have, but now I don’t have to ask for it. It comes at a hefty price of a broken family and new set of challenges in regards to my children and emotions and change for all involved. But on the other hand, I enjoy my children more when I have them and they’re finally seeing me happy instead of snappy, resentful, stressed, overwhelmed and tired. And we all know (even if we don’t want to admit it) that when you’re happy, it’s a lot easier to pour from a full cup. And let’s be honest, if I’m to think about dating again, I want to be at my best when I meet that person.

Remember when I said a few posts ago that I was dedicating this year to me? Well… allow me to share some progress. I got my first (and only) tattoo. My ex-husband and I sold our condo and I moved into a new place. I absolutely love it!! I don’t care that I’m spending more for rent than our mortgage was. It’s a fresh start, a new beginning, and my own space that I’ve created all for myself and the kids. It is so homey and cozy and perfect for the kids and I. I tell myself multiple times a day how much I love my house. That alone has made a huge shift in my life. I was able to get Maeva into in-person learning right next to my house which has been a godsend for all of us. The boys are loving their new daycare, I still love my job and the people I work with and I’m enjoying my self-care weekends when the kids are at their Dad’s. I’m going out with girlfriends, saying yes to more possibilities and having fun and finding the balance of “me time” with “family time.”

I escaped this weekend on a solo trip to Arizona and it has been SO NICE! One of the best things I could do for myself. WAY overdue and very much deserved. I picked a perfect resort with the intention of doing absolutely nothing but relaxing. So what’s on my agenda? Well… listening to jazz while reading a novel and lounging in the hot Arizona sun drinking mojitos and having no time table to be anywhere. Throw in some casual shopping, a pedicure, writing and sitting on my balcony watching the sunrise and sunset. It is bliss and it feeds my soul.

I can say with confidence that I am genuinely happy again. This is the version of myself that I want my children to see, remember and cherish. I had to feel all the pain and work through all the grief of closing such a huge chapter of my life and finally accept the facts and move on. Not for anyone else, but for me. I remember telling myself out loud while driving one day that I needed to let it go and quit breaking my own heart over and over by holding onto a hope that was so clearly one sided. And I swear, acceptance changed everything. A release that I can’t describe. I can’t change anyone else but myself. Relying on someone else to make me happy is unfair. And quite frankly, I’m fine on my own. My strength was inside me all along…I just lost sight of it somewhere along the way. My light has finally returned and I will do everything to keep it alive. I refuse to settle for anything less than I deserve. After all, broken crayons still color, right? Well, I just added glitter to mine.